Gentlemen Don't Teacher their Children 君子不教子 1 / 2

(English subtitles) Lectured by Daoist teacher Rui-Lie Lee (李瑞烈, 1921-2015) originally, and narrated by his disciple Ah-Ze Zong Huang 鍾黃阿智.
Subtitles:
The note of The Analects of Confucius says: Fathers and sons must love each other. Not only fathers, but also mothers and sons. The parents and their children. The parents and their children must love each other. If parents reprimand their children for being unethical, it hurts the parent-child relationship, it hurts their feeling. Such as children do wrong, and you reprimand them. It will hinder family harmony.
What did the ancient do? The ancients exchanged children to educate them. When parents and children are together, they chat and laugh and treat each other with courtesy. You're back. Dad, you're back. Must be polite, must not be impolite. That is, You reprimand children for their misdeeds. That's the way friends should do. so you may swap children to educate. It's improper for parents to educate their children.
In ancient times, some did not teach their children by themselves. Teacher said, he didn't teach his children, only invited teachers to do it. I am lucky. Occasionally, I only say a few words to my children. They sometimes turn against me. But I give up now. I don't do that anymore.
2:00
Each one practices his own. I was terrified when I saw this article that could hurt feeling. Grandsons are ok, here says it. Xan Liu said: The ancient virtue, that is practitioner. Parents live different places with their children. They were separated, so they didn't resent each other.
As gentlemen, they didn't continue to supervise their children, no need to continue to persuade them. Do not often say you have to do this and correct him all the time. Grandsons are approachable. This is the outline.
I am not eloquent and don't study much. You are all above me and more knowledgeable than I am. So you read this and you will know it. To loath is to dislike. I ponder that chattering on and on will lead to loathing. Some people are anxious and come to me. My children don't listen to me. They will resist whatever I demand them to do.
For example, tell him not to offer meat, but he insisted. I said, it doesn't matter, because the teacher said to follow the causal circumstance, and you shouldn't force your children because he is not interested in the reasons you say. If you force him, this will instead worsen the relationship between you and your children.
4:00
Each one practices his own. From ancient times to the present. Even some sages could not ferry his children. Let me explain a poem by the patriarch. Patriarch Chunyang Lu. I can't make it very clear, I can only describe roughly. Patriarch Lu said: From ancient times to the present, there were many sages in the history, who had ferried their children?
Take Zisi for example. Who is Zisi? That is the grandson of Confucius. His son is not remarkable, yet his grandson is a sage. He is a sage, and who is his teacher? Zeng Zi, is the teacher of Zisi. Zeng Zi, is a student of Confucius. Zisi was not taught by Confucius.
Then let's talk about the eldest son of Sakyamuni Buddha. Rāhula, who is his teacher? Teacher Lee said Sariputra is his teacher. He didn't learn from the Buddha directly.
Patriarch Chunyang Lu said his 4 sons gave up following him and their mother to practice in the mountain and go to the other shore. Then you know, from ancient times to the present, few people have been able to ferry their own children.
Thus, some have a question for me: “Sister Ahze, all your children follow you.” I'm not that great.
6:00
The truth of what I am saying is not from me, not even one phrase is mine. These are the truths taught by the teacher and patriarch. I just narrate their words to you, and that's it.
My children come to listen just to learn the truths together with me. They are not because of me. If they have achievements in the future,
they are not ferried by me. It's you want to listen to the truth from the teacher. It's the merit of teacher and patriarch. This has nothing to do with me.
Now, let us take a look at, in one of the chapters of Mencius. There is a phrase. Gongsun Chou asked Mencius. Gongsun Chou was a student of Mencius. Why did the ancient mention gentleman? Gentleman covers a wide range. Nowadays, people mention gentleman. King is a gentleman too. Leader is a gentleman, practitioner is a gentleman too.
Those who have social status are gentlemen. It says: As a cultivator, why can't you teach your own children? What is the reason? He asked why. Mencius said: You should not do it. Why? Because you teach children, you must correct him. If correct him, he does not listen, then you get angry. Why don't you listen to me ? You must get angry. Then, It'll hurt the relationship between parents and children.
Because of this, the ancient swap children with others to educate. You teach my children, and I teach your children. You teach my children, and I teach your children.